Oblivion August 29, 2006

Yes, I stayed in bed this morning refused to wake up.

Yes, it’s a crappy way to start a new week. Play sick on Monday.

And yes, I’m a loser. I eventually gave in and went back to office.

 

I usually like to clean up the house on Sundays. And put up a nice work outfit that I look pretty and sexy in for the next morning. (Yeah, not very P.C. to be like that at work) That way I wake up on Mondays in a clean house, with something to feel good about. That’s my way of starting fresh in a week.

 

Screwing up my impt Sunday ritual didn’t help in addition to the fact that this week is going to be particularly dreadful. I am going to be stuck on a 5-hour trip to and from Connecticut with 3 of the world’s meanest clients. Plus another 7 hours with them in an environment I hate where materialistic values is the only currency of exchange in that world. (Friend, you know what I mean. Nothing foul here for me don’t worry.)

  

IMPT – Do not lose track with the Sunday routines of yours, if that’s the only thing that gives you strength to go back to work on Monday. (remind me next time if I forget)

 

Now back to the refuge of oblivion. 

Romance vs Cheesiness August 27, 2006

 

How do we draw a line between Romance and Cheesiness?

 

Toothaching moments in life, exaggerated expression of passion, a gentle touch, a sign of care. Sweet, bitter, heart warming, heartbreaking.

From where to where belongs to romance? And when does romance become cheezzzzeeee, and from where to where does cheeze become empty talks?

 

We see jewellery commercials with lovers drowning in the fantastic environment of a foreign European country making vows of love.  Then the blink was introduced with a bouquet of roses.  The woman looks up with tears of joy in her eyes.

 

We see online dating websites showing lovers talking about amazing compatibility and their first kiss. They look at each other with satisfying smiles followed by a hug.

 

It’s sweet. But is it romantic?

 

And we see ourselves in everyday life, fighting with our loved ones about tedious things.  Love fades away replaced by reality.  Slowly the romance is gone, the cheeze does not even matter. One day, he walks out of the apartment after a grumpy fight with her, and passes the park where they met.  He decides to turn back and buy her roses.

 

That doesn’t sound sweet or romantic. It sounds too real.

 

But does romance have to be as sweet as creme brulee? Maybe not.

 

It does not have to be toothaching sweet. Romance touches us when we know after all the fights, jaded moments in life and disappointments, love is still lurking in the corner. When we catch it, it explodes like a miracle.

 

Romance is like dark chocolate.  The sweetness comes with bitterness. That’s why it’s precious.

Comfort Zone August 22, 2006

 

Without us knowing, we spend probably 90% of our lives navigating the world within our comfort zones.

 

Lets think of how many major decisions we have made so far that would have shifted the course of happenings past a point of no return.

 

I am not talking about making critical decisions on getting married, having children, losing 100lbs or anything that is within your own expectation of where life eventually should take you to. 

 

I am talking about life-shifting decisions that dawn on us in a moment of clarity…and you leap.

 

A lot of times, we think we are ready for something which deep in our hearts we know are meant to be.  We see an opportunity and we reach out to it. Most of the time, we eventually retract our arms and let it procrastinate. 

 

It would not have been obvious to us at that particular moment that we are not just retracting from a leap of faith, but a breakthrough of our comfort zone.  It is only until time had passed and opportunities lost, that we would wake up suddenly realizing that we have wasted time in our little zones, thinking that we are merely waiting for the next big chance.

 

The problem with growing older is that you become wiser in persuading yourself out of the big leap.

 

There are more perspectives to be considered, more to lose, and more reasons why status quo is for the best. 

Why is stability or securities in life not preferrable after all the years of struggling?

 

The more you gained from life in time, the more you feel that you have everything to lose.

 

Then one day, you are given the last chance to make a difference, to become a completely different person in a very different life. Sometimes you have that hunch – "this is it. Take it or leave it forever."

You could be lucky – the old self may re-surface again, you may be reminded where you came from and how far you have come. 

Then it becomes clear to you that you have spent all the time in between then and now waiting. Though a lot may have happened in between, nothing has really brought you closer to the goal you have set out in life. 

 

So what are you waiting for? What exactly are you waiting for?

 

At the moment when you finally choose to answer the question, is the moment that you break through.  You may leap, or you may accept who you have become (which in most cases a very different person from who you used to be) and your course of life shifts. 

 

You are no longer haunted by the wait, or hindered by the comfort zone. 

You start a new page in life.

Summer Friday August 18, 2006

 

So here comes another Friday. Today is my Summer Friday. I get to stay home and do what I want.  I’d say Summer Fridays are Sanity Fridays. 

 

Some of you may have to work during Summer Fridays (like me), but at least you decide when to wake up…

how to enjoy a nice morning with great homemade bacon and eggs, toast with jam, tea with milk…

& email people you dislike at work, or Clients you don’t care but have to serve, with a filled stomach and jazz in the background.

 

Most importantly – today, you have a choice.

When I was still in HK, sometimes I take "sick days" which were in fact days I want to stay home, be quiet, work in my own style and pace (or not work at all and play games all day long or watch movies all day). I particularly enjoy these days and would be tempted sometimes to go out during lunch time and watch people hussling by when I enjoy my coffee and shopping. It’s like stolen time. And you are one of the luckiest people on earth enjoying this privilege when everyone else has to work.  It may sound selfish but trust me, I deserve this.

Now, I am officially granted Summer Fridays it kind of takes the joy and the guilt away at the same time. I’m not as excited about the day but I feel a bit more obliged to make good use of it. It’s not stolen and it’s not a secretive holiday I give to myself. I am officially granted a day to make good use of it.  And I hope I would…

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Have you ever felt that your quota for any kind of expectation is filled. You cannot take any more of it or you will just explode? And then you realize it’s all self-imposed. And then you imagine what it will be like to be rid of it all and be completely born new and given the world in front of you. You feel insecured but exhilarated. 

That’s how I feel this morning. And that’s how I have been feeling for the past few weeks.

Ups and downs, between the polars of heat and chills.

 

And at this moment with the best of Stan Getz playing, I swing all the way to the chills…Later after I’m done with my little blog, I’ll slowly swing back to the heat, get my work done and let the pendulum swing all the way back to oblivion.

Reset Button August 13, 2006

 

I read a posting on a great friend’s blog today and though I would share some thoughts with everyone else here.  Check out her blog http://joschiprincessvespa.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!85CBA77D048786CE!248.entry

 

I miss those days when you are given more than one chance in a year to start fresh. And you are forced to do so with a cycle that is imposed upon you so there is no escape. The reset button is pressed every now and then to allow you to be reborned into something else.

 

For us now who are unfortunately given the freedom to make good of our lives, it’s every Monday which we dread, or every time you are kicked into an unfortunate situation that propels you to cut loose.  And the rebirth comes from our own revelation of life during those moments.

 

This weekend I have been watching Monk on my sofa leaving my friend waiting for me. I can’t seem to be able to find the reset button.

 

People like me may choose to keep the problem to themselves, and allow time drifts by while they vaguely remember their quest in life. And slowly they may forget about the quest totally and fall into what we call a depression. They could tell themselves that the problem is theirs.  They have all the right to not get pass it and no one could understand. Letting go is a choice they make. Well, maybe it’s not really a choice. If you cannot help yourself in a situation, how is that called control? And where is your choice?

 

For the ones who have been reading my blog, I guess what I’m trying to say is you may not like what you have to go through in life so far but you are laid with opportunities for an escape. It does not mean moving away from what you are forced to deal with. It’s probably about taking the next reset button in front of you and start fresh.

 

Don’t linger on what you left behind.

What ties us down August 11, 2006

 

I had always thought that what tied me down was the place I lived in. 

 

Being in the same city for all my life that is only a size of an island.

1. I started my day with news report on TV while I showered and brushed my teeth.
2. I dug out what I wanted to wear based on my mood in the morning.
3. I jumped into a cab and sat there spacing out, or planning for what I should work on first amongst a long list of to-dos.
4. I got out of the cab right in front of Starbucks and bought myself a tall skim latte.
5. I walked back to the ad agency and started working when I bumped into the first person along the corridor.
6. I spent the day in the agency, in meetings, on the phone, at the creative…etc until late at night.
7. Sometimes I had dinner delivery in office with my colleagues. Or I had nothing if I worked late alone.
8. I went back home when all my neighbors were sound asleep. Played with rabbits and watched late night shows.
9. Went to bed and had either nightmare about work, or sweet strange dreams that took me to a different life.
10. And it all repeated everyday.

I then chose to move to NY. And started my life on a slightly bigger island with someone else.

1. When I’m by myself, I start my day with NY1 on TV during shower and getting ready for work.
2. I dig out what I want to wear based on my mood in the morning.
3. I buy a tall skim latte at Starbucks right outside of my apartment.
4. I jump into a cab right in front of Starbucks and start spacing out on the cab, or start working with my Blackberry.
5. I start working when I bumped into the first person along the corridor.
6. I spent the day in the ad agency, in meetings, on the phone, at the creative…etc until late at night.
7. I mostly go back home late when my neighbors are sound asleep and make myself some quick dinner.
8. Play with the rabbits and watch shows from my DVR.
9. Go to bed and dream.
10. And the day starts again.

Despite a new setting, and a new set of cast, I am no different than who I used to be.

What ties us down is habbit and routines in life.

It took me so many years to realise that you are never free until you change on the inside.

And it takes a lot more courage to do that, than to move to a different country that is half the world away.