Is having a higher EQ really good? January 27, 2008

 

EQ refers to a person’s level of emotional control and stability.

In the business world, a higher EQ means a better performing staff.

But it doesn’t necessarily save you from being unpopular with some people still.

 

I’ve come to realize long time ago that you cannot be liked by all.

You could get popular, which only means you could be liked by most.

And seriously, in an office setting, you only need to be liked by the significant few.

It’s all about business. So it only needs to be strategic.

 

Afterall, we are human beings and it leaves a bad taste if you can’t be liked by all on the team.

But more importantly, you can’t hate people on your team.

In short, personal feelings are like a double-edge sword.

 

I miss the days when I can just be honest to myself.

That what I feel is more important than anything else.

 

Honestly, who likes an immatured, biased, weak, stubborn, pretentious and rude little nobody?

Or an untalented, uninspired, lack of persistence (or even lazy) and narrow-minded staff on a creative team?

How about irresponsible, selfish, ignorant and stupid peer on the media team?

Let me see…did I miss anybody important on my not-worth-much-people list?

 

Not that if you are in a higher power position you could be any of the above.

But it makes these defects a lot more beareable to me.

So I guess it’s my unfortune that I have to continue to suffer them.

 

Again, for my best interest in the business world, I can only say…

"I don’t think they are the best people on the team."

"They may be nice people in person but I don’t enjoy working with them."

Instead of honesty…

"I can’t bear their existence in my face."

 

You see, it’s very dangerous to admit that you don’t like or despise your coworkers.

It’s like a pandora’s box –

you don’t know what kind of monsters you let out if you just peek into the box.

 

So in order to be able to maintain my EQ, personal feelings are cast aside.

I need to find ways to make things work with these so-called coworkers.

And if they can function somehow, I will continue to work with them with a smile.

Or I can strategically remove them if an opportunity arises.

That’s all I can do.

 

 

My stuffs…his stuffs… January 22, 2008

 

What really does it mean to move in with someone?

A milestone of the relationship. The end of romance.

A test drive for marriage. Escape from marriage.

Saving money or spending it together.

 

What you really go through in the process of moving in is to sort out where to put your stuffs and where to put his.

 

And no matter how hard you try, the line is just going to blur.

Yes, moving in means losing your space.

 

Well a lot of you may not mind that much. Afterall, it’s just a matter of time.

But, if you work a high stress job and values the peace of coming back to a tidy lovely home,

where it’s cosy but spacious, casual but organized,

and colorful to the eyes but soothing to the mind,

you will have to wonder sometimes why one would choose to lose that sanctuary of individuality.

 

It’s a big price to pay to get closer to another person.

Probably not worth the trouble if you think about it.

I mean, come on, what brings two people closer isn’t really being physically close 24×7.

Don’t we feel a lot more connect to our significant others when we date?

Aren’t there enough people divoicing because they just lose the ability of love after sharing a life together?

 

But does it mean it’s always best to avoid the worst by not trying at all?

 

While I am encouraging myself that I can still make the house work,

I am seeing my space being evaded at every corner.

Socks and underpants creeping into my towel drawers…

wall storage being taken up when my things are in storage at $160 per month in Manhattan…

my kitchen being overtaken I can’t even find a place for my coffeemaker…

worst still, my rabbits’ space crowded by things that absolutely makes NO impact to our daily lives.

I try to respect the other.

I really try to keep my patience.

I try my very best to convince myself that this is temporary.

But looking at the packages of things piling up day after day non-stop for him to unwrap,

the hope is ever dimmer and the truth ever more blaring – the line would not be established.

It’s fading and it’s not coming back.

 

It feels like a fucking struggle between the two.

Who makes the decision of which side violating the line and wiping it off.

His, or mine.

And I have no where to back off from the frustration of work and the frustration of the loss of space.

I don’t know what to do with my guilty conscience to my bunnies that they are living in less than ideal environment,

when one of them is ill. And both of them find their biggest joy in simple and comfortable lives in their fleeting lifespan.

 

Why did I make that choice? It’s so hard to continue to remember.

The brain says it’s the right and rational decision.

But I don’t think I believe it anymore.

 

And guess what? Since I’m on the losing end, he really doesn’t care that much.

"We’ll make it work somehow" and move on to the next topic.

Like it’s the least important topic and any more of that discussion is going to wear our love out.

Guess what again? Any less of a solution will wear my life out.

I only wish he understand it’s not humane to me.

And if I have a second chance to make this decision again, I would not have the courage to move in.

 

Virgina Woolf has her own flat to find herself.

I just need a room with TV, bed, space for bunnies, a closet, a laptop with internet connection, 50% of walls visible, 70% of floor visible, and no dust ball around the corners.

Is that too much to ask?

Is that too boring to talk about?

Is happiness that difficult to attain?!

 

Gosh, I can’t do this any longer.

 

Moment of truth… January 3, 2008

 

A year ago I set my list of 10 things to do in 07.

Half way through 2007 I achieved 40% of the list.

12 months later I’m still at 40% of the list 😦 Not very encouraging.

 

What is it about time flowing much faster when you are getting older?

I guess it’s the feeling of under achievement.

Naturally I conclude it as a result of time flying by faster and we are losing hours in a day.

 

No, honestly…

 

If you think about it, we achieved more milestones in life before 20 than any other period in our life.

Then it slows down to a point that at times it could be just a flat line.

If we are not careful, it’s going to stay flat, if not a downward spiral.

 

With wisdom, why can’t we break through our little box easier than when we were inexperienced?

Why were we braver when we didn’t know about anything?

Have we become scared of getting burnt or are we numb to the excitement of experiencing new things for the first time?

 

When we lost the thrill of seeing first snow, the appreciation of autumn leaves, the sentimental feelings rain drops bring, and the satisfaction of sunshine through the summer leaves, what’s left is only disappointment and frustration of every day mandane, and the fear of failure.

And that could really weigh us down and lock us in a small sad corner.

 

Nothing’s more devastating than losing sight of what we want most.

Everyone needs some basis of comparisons to make decisions of where to go next in life.

Without that vision, we are just drifting around under various circumstances out of our control.

And I’m worried most that this is the reason why I didn’t get to accomplish the 60% on my 07 list of resolutions.

 

Did I lose sight of what I want?

Or did I make a conscious decision to sacrify certain things in life?

I guess it’s a question I need to constantly ask myself.

That’s the least I must do.

To never stop asking myself if it’s worth it.

If that’s what I want.