Think happy thoughts February 16, 2008

 

So after reading Princess’s feedback on my last posting, I thought hard to see if there is anything happy to talk about.

Life can’t be a downward spiral or a flat line all the times. There has to be something joyful for me.

And honestly, my blog is getting dimmer and dimmer.

 

So let’s try to name a few things that are delightful.

 

1) A good bf

Despite his madly cluttered and quite dusty home I’m living in.

And the inconvenient of getting online with the wireless always down (because we are sharing with his bro downstairs, and oh believe me, I’m paying for a separate wireless connection. fuck it).

He is one of the kindest, most generous loving, accomodating and patient men I’ve ever known.

He has been taking care of Toffee as his own and he puts up with my negativity.

He tries hard to make me feel at ease.

Come on, he’s been sleeping on the couch with me for 2 weeks straight and waking up every night 

(I pass out like a light as always) to take care of Toffee.

All these for a sick rabbit.

Not a lot of people would even raise an eyebrow if a rabbit is sick.

"Put it down" is what he got from his boss. And his boss is already the sympathetic one.

So, I have to say, I’m really thankful he’s here with me.

I won’t know how to go through this on my own.

 

2) An understanding boss

I know I complain about my job all the time.

And a lot of the problems in the office are the consequence of my boss’s decisions.

But she is pretty amazingly understanding.

And I know I have to earn for it.

But at the same time, with my visa situation, another boss probably don’t even think they need to accomodate my requests

since my freedom in this job market is limited by my visa.

She has two dogs and I think she really feels the pain.

But the patience will wear out soon so let’s just hope that Toffee will be better sooner…

 

3) Appreciative clients

My new clients are known to be difficult and nasty.

Turned out they are really not easy to work with but it’s not because they are mean people.

A lot of the common problems in advertising world exists with this new client account as well.

They just don’t pay enough to make the problem less of an eyesore.

But a few of them are really nice people trying very ahrd to make the best out of what they have.

At least they apologize for being demanding and giving us little time to turn things around.

At least they appreciate us pulling late nights and breaking our backs for them (don’t ask why we need to, that’s when it gets depressing).

At least they say thank you and ask about when we can have cocktails together to celebrate.

Appreciation is really important in the service industry. Mutually.

 

4) Tax return

Ok, very silly but I really look forward to receiving a cheque.

This year, I’m not only putting it in the bank or paying for a trip back home.

I’m going to buy myself a nice little expensive AAAA pearl necklace. Fuck it I deserve it.

If only I can afford a diamond one hoho…

 

With that wraps up my happy thoughts.

Sad but hey, at least I tried to be slightly more positive.

 

*GRIN*

Home alone February 12, 2008

 

Because of Toffee I have to stay home and work remotely.

My day is completely packed with teleconf, emails, Toffee’s food, snacks all the way until evening.

Then it’s Charcoal’s time, more Toffee’s time and dinner…etc.

And then sleep on the couch with my bf.

 

Life is really nothing but work, family and the natural routine of a human life.

Unless you have an option to go out and do things with friends.

Explore yourself and find new things outside of the box.

For people who don’t have an option, like our parents or the older generation who suffered because of sickness and poverty,

this is pretty their life (minus the computer).

And I’m lucky, I don’t need to worry about money yet.

 

My mom was like that with me for 20+ years.

My bf’s mom has been like this for more than 30 years.

Plenty of immigrants in this country is going through a mandane, difficult hard life.

How do they manage to do it?

 

After about 2 wks of nothingness in my life,

I am already starting to get used to it.

 

This is madness but I do think that’s pretty much how people tolerate.

You focused at ONLY what’s most important of being alive.

 

To me, that’s work, rabbits and food.

So I’m at the desk, living room with bunnies, and kitchen.

The messiness in the house is less important.

I have lost interest in anything else.

 

 

 

Today – Cloudy February 3, 2008

 

Today’s actually a great day with blue sky and warm weather.

But I was still very concerned about my rabbit’s health.

Toffee is very sick and if you have been on my rabbit blog you probably would know by now the situation.

 

It’s strange how a little rabbit affects my life.

The two of them have been my friend, my son and my corner stone.

Though we don’t speak to each other, they usually manage to brighten my day.

And besides being cute and naive as they are, it is a sense of family.

It really wasn’t there to begin with. I didn’t even like rabbits that much.

It all started in the first couple of weeks when I was trying to take care of them.

Little did I know about bunnies and it frustrated me a lot learning how to take care of them,

the time needed to clean them, feed them and teach them.

It was a lot of effort and you knew a little life depend on you.

So there was no alternative but to just do it.

And with the sense of responsibility grow love.

And then fondness of companionship.

 

Now I found a new respect for Toffee.

In his condition physically suffering and helpless,

emotionally fragile and scared,

instead of giving up like most human would,

the little rabbit struggles to live.

He still likes eating and drinking whenever he can.

He will still want to hop and stretch despite of incoordination.

He’s not ready to give up with a few kidney stones here and there.

A heart murmur + head tilt adds to the suffering but as long as he’s still trying hard to be healthy,

I will fight the battle with him.

 

And if a bunny can be that eager to fight,

why are we giving up on ourselves?

Not that I am afraid of dying or I love life,

but if we get to live longer we get to spend more time with the ones we love.

We can see another beautiful day and have another great experience.

Maybe we could try a bit harder?

 

I wish Toffee could be a healthy bunny again.

Maybe he could. It’s a cloudy sky and I don’t know if the sun would come out.

But it’s not raining yet so there’s no need for tears.